MONDAY

There's a surprise. The latest opinion poll shows that most of us oppose either cutting or taxing child benefit and social welfare. Most of us are against cuts in public services. Most of us are against tax rises too. Most public-sector workers are against pay cuts so they threaten strikes which will cut services. Most private-sector workers are against pay cuts too, but if they don't accept them, they lose their jobs so there is no question of striking.

The Irish Times TNS MRBI poll says we want spending cuts rather than tax rises, but nobody wants the cuts happening too close to home… Homes that are now selling for 25% less than their peak and are now worth no more than they were in 2004. The value of the average home is down €75,000 and according to ESRI Permanent TSB statistics, are likely to go even lower because there is so much stock built it will last us for the next four years.

TUESDAY

Gordo battles from rock-bottom to make the Labour Party believe they can win the next general election with a spirited speech. But for the Rupert Murdoch-owned Sun newspaper, which famously backed Tony Blair 12 years ago, it was all a bit too sincere. More interested in what they might themselves term women's bouncy bits than a Gordon Brown bounce, they have changed allegiance to the Tory party... The last days of Lisbon turn into a gloves-off slanging match in the window of Arnotts on Henry Street. "You're a liar" - "No you are", is the intellectual zenith of the argument, captured perfectly in a Young Fine Gael poster adorned with the words "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire"... You can, of course, download the highlights of the dirtiest bits to your iPOD – but hark, what madness from yonder undemocratic bureaucracy breaks? That demonic danger to individual liberty, aka the European Commission, wants to turn down the default volume on mp3 players to protect listeners' ears because as many as 10% of users are risking permanent hearing loss as they tune out real life with noise... Judges, of course, just put their hands up to their ears and whisper "I'm not listening" to appeals for them to make a voluntary contribution from their €200,000 plus salaries towards their pension. Half still haven't paid a cent. Apparently only one in four second home owners has paid their €200 second-home tax as well.

WEDNESDAY

The first Lisbon votes are cast as about 800 islanders have an early say. Taoiseach Brian Cowen insists this is the last time he'll be asking us to vote 'Yes'. The trade unions move closer to strike action over the threat of public-sector pay cuts, or as they quaintly put it, a "mass mobilisation". The ESRI predicts things won't get better until at least 2011. Thank God for the white knight, Rossa, chief miserable scientist at Davy Stockbrokers, who predicts we'll be back to 4% growth by 2011.

THURSDAY

A second earthquake hits the Indonesian island of Sumatra as thousands of people scrabble in the rubble of yesterday's disaster, desperately trying to rescue trapped survivors. A tsunami and two earthquakes have now killed over 1,000 in the Asia Pacific region. Indonesia immediately calls for all the help it can get, a big contrast to the 2004 tsunami when they turned down offers of overseas aid, with tragic results... Get real, says Taoiseach Brian Cowen again – about the economy and Lisbon and whatever else we disagree with him on as Ictu boss David Begg argues that it would be better to phase the cutbacks and "fiscal adjustments" over a longer time period so they don't destroy the economy we are allegedly trying to save. And pigs will fly – or a herd of llamas will cross the Red Cow roundabout – before the government agrees to extend the time-frame for reducing our debt. After all, 'twas the 100%, 30-year mortgage that got us into this mess.

FRIDAY

The "defining moment" in our history arrives at 7am and ends 15 hours later during which time we shuffle reluctantly to vote in the second Lisbon Reform Treaty Plus Permanent Commissioner and Binding Guarantees Referendum... Clearly not shuffling but standing surprisingly tall is the small, but perfectly formed 4.4 million-year-old Ardi, or Ardipethecus ramidus, our straight-backed ancestor who is more humanoid than ape and who upsets the hypothesis that upright walking had evolved as an adaptation to life on grassy savanna. Scientists believe Ardi was 1.2m high, weighed about 50kg – and most interestingly, stood upright, had feet and hands more similar to a human's than an ape's, and significantly, teeth that point to a peace-lovin', fruit-eatin', monogamous lifestyle. Was she an early Green?

You cannot be serious

"What's his name? Some tanned guy. Ah Barack Obama...You won't believe it but the two of them sunbathe together because the wife is also tanned"

Silvio Berlusconi does it again on his return from the G20, telling a rally of supporters that he was bringing greetings from 'someone' in the United States