Brian Cowen wore a top hat, tails and tapped his cane on the stage. "You've got to… aaaaaccent-uate the positive…" he sang, "ellllllimmm-inate the negative… and don't mess with Mr In-Between!" He attempted to do the splits, failed and slid along the dancefloor on his knees instead, doing 'jazz hands'. The crowd was delirious. Someone threw their underpants at him and…

I woke up in a cold sweat. It had been a bad dream: the product of too much cheese and RTÉ's report of Cowen's speech to Dublin Chamber of Commerce on Thursday. Our leader wants us to stop being negative. We need to be like the heroes of 1916, lads. We need some new optimism, lads. Neo-optimism, if you like.

As unintentionally funny speeches go, this was second only to Donie Cassidy's mad ramble in the Seanad on Wednesday. (Donie kept referring to the 'Jack and Jill' charity as the 'Jekyll and Hyde' charity.)

The Taoiseach's pep talk was all the more remarkable as it came on the heels of a report which shows that Ireland is suffering Europe's worst confidence crisis. The Edelman Trust Barometer says our trust in government has fallen to 28% (global average is 49%), while trust in business is 31% (average is 50%). The latest MRBI poll says three quarters of us are dissatisfied with this government.

What planet is Cowen living on? It will take more than rhetoric to get the nation behind him. With its references to 1916, the Taoiseach aimed his speech at our nobler side. Anyone who doesn't heed his call is a pessimistic traitor. All critics are just being "populist".

"Populist" is the latest dirty word Fianna Fáil uses to dismiss dissenters. If you hammer home a point about cronyism or expenses, you are being "populist". This paper was accused of being "populist" when it pursued John O'Donoghue over his crazy expenses.

Even Jim McDaid, who is permanently camped under the public gallery, has a new aversion to "populism". Last Wednesday he, bizarrely, told Liveline that headshops shouldn't be banned "for purely populist reasons". Jim – not for the first time – was driving against oncoming traffic.

The opposition were also accused of being "populist" when they urged Brian Lenihan to intervene over Permanent TSB's rates hikes. Of course, Lenihan couldn't intervene, but it's the opposition's job to rattle his cage on behalf of the mistrustful 'Great Unwashed' – ie, be "populist".

There were plenty of reasons, last week alone, for the public not to trust Cowen and Co. For example, how can we trust transport minister Noel Dempsey about, well, anything? Last August, we learned that taxpayers will compensate the operators of the M3 if car numbers fall below a certain target. Dempsey refused to reveal what that target was.

Last week, he gave us the silent treatment again and wouldn't explain why he appointed his election canvasser to the National Transport Authority board. Damien Usher is, coincidentally, a former bank manager.

Or what about the revelation that the company which built the M50 for €58m will ultimately make €1.15bn from it – at our expense. We're paying that company €50m a year for the next decade in 'compensation' for buying the road off them. Padraig Flynn and George Redmond signed off on that contract.

Or how can we trust the Greens to protect our environment when they seem powerless to halt the building of the massive Poolbeg incinerator? Will John Gormley be steamrolled like he was over the banks? After his betrayal of Tara, how can we trust Gormley to handle concerns over the proposed Slane bypass at Newgrange? There are 44 archaeological sites within 500 metres of the route. Will he ask councillor Nick Killian what he meant when he dismissed local archaeology as "historic bric-a-brac"? Can we trust Gormley to safeguard our 'bric-a-brac' heritage? (See www.savenewgrange.org).

Or how can we trust Eamon Ryan's posturing over transparency when he appoints a new Commissioner for Energy Regulation (€165,000 pa) after a phone conversation?

And there's more. How can we trust the state's judicial system when a serial rapist like Michael Murray can be sentenced to 18 years, released after 10 and then go to ground?

How can we trust that system not to waste our money when a district court judge can run up €91,909 in expenses and the constitution won't allow us to lower his/her wages?

How can we even trust Irish businesses to sell us Irish goods? Did you know that Fruitfield's 'Old Time Irish' marmalade, which has an address in Tallaght on the label, is made in the UK and Portugal?

The above are just a few examples for Cowen to contemplate. All "populist" topics worth highlighting. He is correct when he says we need to rebuild our spirit. As leader of the country, it's up to him to rebuild our trust.

Half a million are on the dole. There's no harm in the media and opposition playing to that gallery once in a while – within reason – if it reminds the government that it's being watched. Cowen can make a song and dance about being optimistic, but he must first eliminate the negative before the disenchanted can consider accentuating the positive. We'll give you your 'neo-optimism' when you get rid of the nepotism, Taoiseach.

Noel Dempsey, please note.

dkenny@tribune.ie