I'M trying to figure out how to shorten the winter and it's not easy. It's all fine and well if you are in a position to go off skiing or to take a winter sun holiday, but many of us are maxed out on the plastic. And it would be easier to get planning for a Seán Dunne round tower in Clonmacnoise than to get a credit card increase. So here are a few pastimes to help you through to spring.

1. Sex: The problem is what's to be done for the rest of the night when the three minutes is over, four if you include drawing the curtains as part of the foreplay.

2. TV: I'm drawn to The Apprentice on TV3 as it is full of sackings and I was fired twice myself, around this time of year as it happens. I was sorely tempted to camp under the duvet until the week horibilus passed.

Here's how it's done: the sackers steel and stiffen, look you straight in the eye and then they tell you you haven't come up to scratch. They all do it the same way and many are quite pleased as it's an affirmation to themselves that they have what it takes, irrespective of whether the dismissal is right or not.

Yes, the sacking season is almost upon us. Many workers are offered 11 month contracts in January and are sacked in November to avoid a year's continuous employment by which time they become permanent and acquire rights. It's particularly tough on sales people whose performance is measured solely in monetary terms and may you never have to cold call ice maiden sales assistants.

Bill Cullen is the most affable of men and he is very fair, but I'd hate to have to report back to him with the news the punter bought the Ford.

I was very lucky in that I took over the family pub on the day I was fired, so cheer up if you're facing the chop; it mostly works out for the better in the long term. I just ran it the way it was always run. I'm sure though if Bill owned John B's he would be making enormous profits out of Internet Matchmaking and Bull McCabe Burgers.

3. Night Classes: The National Education Database lists over 20,000 night courses. If you took three different classes a week it would take you 2,000 years to go through every module, yet I have met serial students who have done the lot. I wonder if there's any places left in the creative writing course. Strangely there's not even one class on lovemaking. There are Irishmen who could tie fishing flies wearing mittens, but have to call a locksmith to open the clasp of a bra. Is it that the minister for education thinks origami (making things out of cut up paper) is more important than sex?

4. Gambling: Just buy a few shares.