Ash sure, it's over now

Shades of Homer's odyssey as the weary, unshaven, and unwashed sail slowly homewards. They're full of tales of stoicism, harpies, sirens, Trojan-horse style ferries and some very large bills to pay. The clash with the Eyjafjallajokull ash is over for a while, and despite recriminations, the bottom line for passengers is: nobody died.

Home truths on market

First-time buyers are back in the game, says property website myhome.ie, which claims that two-thirds of this group plan to buy a home this year. David Duffy of the ESRI begs to differ. He found only 2% of adults are even considering buying post-crash and prices are set to fall further. There's still no place like homes when it comes to tracking the depth of this recession.

The price of fame – drugs

Fame, glamour and riches do not make for a happy home, admits Hollywood superstar Michael Douglas in a letter to the judge, who sentenced his son Cameron to five years in prison for dealing cocaine and crystal meth. "Cameron grew up a single child in a bad marriage," admitted the Wall Street star, whose brother died of a drug overdose, and who has had his own problems with addiction of the Tiger Woods kind.

Donegal – where's that

Ireland's most northerly county has shifted location – at least if the mappers of the National Emergency Co-ordinating Centre are to be believed. The apparent oversight was further proof the Republic's second-largest county – the 'forgotten' county' – does not exist in the minds of central policy-makers. Fianna Fáil senator Cecilia Keaveney wondered: "Are we gone again?" she asked. "This is the third time."

Boucher's back-down

Bank of Ireland chief executive Richie Boucher bows to pressure and forgoes his €1. 5m pension top-up. Ictu president Jack O'Connor said the controversy could have a detrimental effect on the fragile Croke Park deal, as Boucher's pension deal "stinks to high heaven". It's not only volcanos that reek of rotten eggs.

Women make earth move

Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi complains Tehran could be completely covered in rubble because women are not completely covered in cloth. "Many women who do not dress modestly... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes," claimed the Iranian cleric during a prayer sermon last week. Seismologists warn the sprawling capital is likely to be struck by a catastrophic quake in the near future and suggest Iran should move its capital to a less seismically active location.

Mayhem for Malcolm

Controversy and anarchy were his stock in trade, so Malcolm McLaren's relatives think it only fitting there's "a minute of mayhem" at his London funeral. The slogan on the 64-year-old's coffin was Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die – the name of his first shop on the King's Road. A green double-decker bus, with 'Nowhere' as the destination, was also parked outside the deconsecrated church.

Driving out drivers

Passengers hope Dublin Bus doesn't mean 'Out of Service', that frequently served destination, when claiming routes will be increased. For workers, it's a case of there's another one coming along – in this instance a further spate of job cuts with up to 150 drivers having to hand over the ignition keys, on top of the 290 workers it let go last year.

A dangerous kiss

Don't travel to the United Arab Emirates if you use bad language, rude gestures – or PDA's (public displays of affection). That's the advice of the British Foreign Office to UK citizens after Charlotte Adams finally goes to jail. The Arab emirate of Dubai has convicted the 25-year-old to one month's imprisonment for kissing her friend Ayman Najafi in public. Adams dropped her attempt to appeal against the ruling and is now behind bars.

O'Leary erupts again

Now the skies have cleared, Ryanair promises to cough up for 'reasonable receipted expenses' of stranded passengers – although Michael O'Leary is still erupting over who's at fault: "Why are airlines expected to be reimbursing people's hotels, meals and everything else when the governments are the ones who made a b***s of this?"