In Camera

And then there were nine: how the new ministers might work

The reassignment of portfolios by BrianCowen was widely derided, but secret cabinet briefing documents secured by In Camera suggest that the full brilliance of the Taoiseach's move may yet be seen. The memo shows how Cowen sees the five "double ministers" working in the next seven weeks...

Eamon Ó Cuív:(Minister for Social Protection, now also Minister for Defence) Perhaps the most brilliant of all; instead of having tens of thousands whingeing about having their dole cut, we can now have the largest standing armed forces inthe EU, and at a very reasonable cost. This could be the moment to reclaim Rockall.

Brendan Smith: (Minister for Agriculture, Fisheries & Food, now also Minister for Justice & Law Reform) This should mean a vast improvement in nutrition for prison inmates, with Organic Beef drizzled in Cashel Blue and Wexford Honey sauce. He could also tell paycut-refusing judges to go and eat Bailey's cheesecake.

Pat Carey: (Minister for Community, Equality and Gaeltacht Affairs, now also Minister for Transport) The new poly-minister will use the next seven weeks to push through a key proposal to save Dublin Bus and the Irish language: the return of 'An Lár'.

Mary Hanafin:(Minister for Tourism, Culture & Sport, now also Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Innovation) Will drive a new IDA plan to sell our sports stars to other countries. Look forward to Tommy Bowe becoming Tomasso Bozzo and Rory McIlroy becoming Rainer Müchilrach.

Mary Coughlan: (Tánaiste and Minister for Education & Skills, now also Minister for Health & Children) It is not expected that Coughlan would be able to come up with any ideas for the new job, but parents should probably keep children home from school just in case she does.

Go figure

39.1%

First preference share of general election vote by Fianna Fáil in 1992, its lowest recorded figure since 1927

14%

Fianna Fáil's most recent opinion poll figure, its lowest score in the history of the state

6

Number of ministers that resigned in a 15 hour period last Wednesday night-Thursday morning

This week in 1933

When De Valera, Hitler and Tonto came to power

Tomorrow marks the 78th anniversary of the general election to the eighth Dail. It was the last election in which the leader of the victorious party assumed the title 'Chairman of the Executive Council'.

Back then there were 153 deputies soon to be reduced to 138 in 30 constituencies.

Fianna Fáil, under Eamon de Valera, were returned to power with 76 seats, winning 49.4% of the vote. Cumann na nGaedheal had 48 seats, the Centre Party 11 and Labour 8. Nine independents were also elected. One seat short of a majority, FF secured Labour Party support but after several by-election wins were able to govern unaided.

Elsewhere in the same week the word Pakistan came into being, the Lone Ranger first appeared on USradio, and one Adolf Hitler was appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The week in laughs

It seems Mary Harney wrote her resignation before Christmas, but it had to go on a waiting list

(Gift Grub)

Results just in from the second Fianna Fáil leadership election of 2011: Willie O'Dea 4, Dara Calleary 3

(Tribune wag)

Madam – I see Somerville and Ross are seeking election to the Big House. I suppose it can only be a matter of time before Flurry Knox throws his hat into the ring?

(Paul Delaney, letter to the editor, Irish Times)

Saw Bertie the other day. It was so cold, he had his hands in his own pockets

(politics.ie)

Q:What's the difference between FF, FG and Labour?

A:Time.

(politics.ie)

News hound - What it says in the papers

Meath Chronicle - Cowen slams 'lazy political narrative'

Two councillors have been selected to join TDs Thomas Byrne and Johnny Brady on the FF tickets in the Meath constituencies. Taoiseach Cowen delivered a passionate unscripted speech in which he criticised the "lazy political narrative" which exists.

Connacht Tribune - FFget taste of things to come in Galway meeting

Fianna Fáil got an advance taste of a rough and tumble election campaign to come when a meeting on the economy held in Galway on Monday night ended in bitter recrimination and had to be abandoned shortly before its scheduled conclusion.

The Sligo Champion - Mystery man paid €900 to watch council

A 'Mystery Man' who has been attending meetings of Sligo Borough Council for the past 18 months is a consultant from Co Wicklow engaged by the County Manager to observe and record any inappropriate or bullying behaviour, it emerged last week.

Swords Fingal Independent - Former FFdeputy may make comeback

FORMER Fianna Fáil TD Jim Glennon is in line for a sensational return to politics and could contest the upcoming General Election in Dublin North.