MY oh my, Gwyneth Paltrow really will stop at nothing to get her family back to the States. She complains about the British weather, the press and the people, but stops short of actually getting up and going.

Rumours are rife that Gwynnie is long-ing to make the trek back to LA, but in her biggest hint ever, the macrobiotic Oscar queen has decided that her family's London home is haunted.

She's managed to convince her bloke Chris too, as the couple have announced that the £5m London pad has "bad energy."

Tabloid backroom murmurs indicate that Paltrow is tired of her husband's 'lifestyle'. Surely the nerdiest man in Didorock isn't breaking loose around the London circuit?

Don't be so sure.

Otherwise, why would Gwyneth be hiring a 10-man Kabbalah team to come to her Belsize Park gaff in London and exorcise the property? The Kabbalahists will read a series of psalms and blow a ram's horn to get rid of the ghosties.

Sounds a bit like Coldplay's last album. But if that doesn't work, what else will Paltrow do to convince her hubby that USA is OK?

Perhaps buying a birthing pool for their home in New York is the biggest housemoving hint yet. Cue dramatic EastEndersmusic.