The announcement that businesswoman Olivia Gaynor is to buy Residence comes as great news especially to the Stokes twinnies who are to be kept on as management. But surely their old business model of an exclusive playground for Richy McLoadedersons is as redundant as their members? May we be the first to suggest Five Alternative Ways Of Making Residence Viable.

1. Property Developer Fight Club

The first rule of Property Developer Fight Club is don't talk about Property Developer Fight Club. The second rule of Property Developer Fight Club is don't mention the Rumble In Ranelagh.

2. Exclusive Members-Only Dole Office

Turning Residence into a dole office and offering a peppermint-martini-while-you-sign-on service would surely boost membership.

3. Charlies 6

Chinese fast food chain Charlies is perhaps the only restaurant expanding in Dublin while others collapse around it. Charlies 6 would offer the same chicken-ball-filled menu, but in a more glorious setting minus plastic seats and with less people throwing spring rolls around at 3am.

4. Permanent photo studio for the Sunday Independent Life Magazine

Because the Sindo must be bored of using Lillies, the penthouse in the Clarence and Krystle over and over again for photo shoots.

5. Pop-Up FÁS Training Centre

Pop-up events are all the rage. Residence could latch on to the trend with a pop-up Fás training centre allowing all the nouveau-broke elite to learn new skills in a more discreet setting lest they actually confront the real world.