MONDAY

And the Oscar for best acceptance speech goes to... Best Actor Sean Penn (far right) who teased the "commie, homo loving" audience but suggested anti-gay marriage protestors should "turn in their hate card and find their better self". And who would dare argue with him? Amid the stars and schmaltz Slumdog Millionaire wins eight richly deserved Oscars.

Another celebratory millionaire is terminally ill Jade Goody (above). "When they came out, they got a standing ovation," said Bishop Jonathan Blake on newly weds Mr and Mrs Jack Tweedy, while the Big Brother watching this time round is OK! Magazine, paying £1m (¤1.1m) for the exclusive wedding pics.

Wrongdoers at Anglo Irish Bank should "pay a price" for their "economic treason" says minister for transport Noel Dempsey in an acceptance speech, of a kind, from the government.

tUESDAY

A major bank raid in Dublin. The "raiders" are fraud squad officers with search warrants to investigate white-collar crimes at Anglo Irish. It sounds like a Hollywood thriller – especially as we have our very own enforcer. It's not Clint Eastwood (aka 'Dirty' Harry Callahan), but Paul Appleby, Director of Corporate Enforcement, presumably instructing gardaí to find out if those golden circle 'punks' and directors are feeling lucky.

Banks shares continue to plummet faster than you can say "Make my day". In Dublin, the ISEQ slumps to its lowest figure in 13 years; in Japan the Nikkei drops to its lowest in 25 years; on Wall Street, it's a 12-year low.

The sale of a small pub anywhere is news now. Even if it's a fictional one, bought by one Homer Simpson (below) and Grampa. A St Patrick's Day screening will show the two cartoon characters getting drunk then finding themselves owners of the ailing O'Flanagan's bar.

"Frivolous and vexatious" is how the failed bid by a father to sue a midwife for €38,000 is described in court. John McAuley wanted to film "every precious moment of the first minutes of his baby's life" during the birth at Mount Carmel in 2006, but was interrupted to allow emergency clearance of the baby's airways.

€5.9m in cutbacks will force Our Lady's Children's Hospital in Crumlin to reduce operations; 1,000 teaching jobs will be gone by September.

Meanwhile, at London Fashion Week, there are people willing to pay a fortune for ripped jeans. Reports say Balmain's faded denims are "flying off the shelves" at £1,000 (¤1125).

wEdNESDAY

Never mind distressed jeans, Ireland looks worn and frayed to the European Central Bank. But the ECB signals it may support a bailout of "distressed" countries like Ireland, should the situation become "inevitable".

President Obama refuses to spend a penny. He tells the US congress there will be no rewards for "a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes to help the small business that can't pay its workers or the family that has saved and still can't get a mortgage."

thursDAY

It's right, says Fred. Disgraced former Royal Bank of Scotland CEO Fred Goodwin refuses to give back a penny of his £693,000 (¤778,000) per annum pension. He led the RBS to the biggest loss – £24bn (¤27bn) – in UK corporate history. And is rewarded with a total pension 'pot' of £16m (¤18m).

It's the end for Wendy Richard (above), aka matriarch Pauline Fowler in EastEnders, who dies after a long illness from cancer.

friday

U2 release No Line on the Horizon, but Bono (below) utters several lines on the tax haven. He's "stung" by accusations of hypocrisy over the band's Amsterdam office, opened to halve tax on their reported €226m songwriting royalties. "We pay millions and millions of dollars in tax," says the Drop the Debt activist. Himself and The Edge have dropped the Dublin development too – the Clarence Hotel re-vamp and the U2 Tower are now, "being looked at with a much colder eye".

Former child actor and Australian banker David Morgan casts a cold eye over Anglo Irish Bank. Could the consortium he leads make our day with their offer of a €5bn investment in the bankster bank we now own. Any wizard from Oz or slumdog millionaire will do – especially now that the government has a dissatisfaction rating of 86%.