It's back!

Our friend from the north is back again. "We'll be under threat for a good part of this week as the wind direction becomes less favourable," predicts Met Eireann's Gerry Scully, referring to the volcanic ash plume frustrating the plans of hapless air passengers. Uncertainty remains the only certainty.

EU's helping handout

In a week dominated by deals, "distressed" euro governments can avail of a highly-conditional loan scheme financed by 16 euro countries, the IMF and the EU. Swedish finance minister Anders Borg said inaction could lead to a global credit freeze. "We now see herd behaviour in the markets that is really wolfpack behaviour." Is €750bn enough to keep them from the door?

Love's Labour's lost

"Calm down! Calm down!" In the blue corner it's the Sky News political editor. In the Red corner it's Labour's former spin doctor. Adam Boulton and Alastair Campbell's verbal dust-up live outside the Houses of Parliament sounds uncannily like an episode from the BBC's political satire The Thick of It. "I'm fed up with you telling me what to think," shrieks a raging Boulton. "Dignity, dignity," urges a triumphant Campbell, but as the cameras are forced to pan away, he puts the boot in with what sounds like, "You're a pompous little a**e!" .

Goodbye, hello

There's dignity and an 'Aaaah' moment as little Fraser and John Brown take their parents' hands and leave No 10 for the last time. Less than an hour later, the expectant Camerons arrive. 'The Deal' results in Lib Dems leader Nick Clegg as Cameron's deputy PM. That's coalition for you – vote one and get another one free. As for that electoral reform demanded by Clegg, we know where there's a whole load of nearly new e-voting machines going very, very cheap...

Martin's dark forces

The Archbishop of Dublin is disheartened and discouraged, not over a Tory prime minister across the way, but over those within the Catholic church who still want the truth about clerical abuse to remain secret. In an address to the Knights of Columbanus, Diarmuid Martin stresses the consistent failure within the church to protect children. Who are the "strong forces" he refers to?

Legal highs at low ebb

The strong arm of the law forces the closure of the majority of head shops. There's still no law against that other 'legal high' though – punters can always get blind drunk instead. Opposition health spokesman, Dr James O'Reilly warns that head shop suppliers could offer new alternatives. "The head shop business has shown itself to be like the Hydra. You cut off one head, only for two to grow in its place."

Gardaí beat dáil invasion

Maybe there were Hydras at the Right to Work protest; gardai say the number was 500, People Before Profit alliance spokesman Richard Boyd Barrett insists it was more like "1,000, even 1,500". One witness describes the breakaway protest as "a Greek-style situation" referring to the attempt to storm the gates of Leinster House. Or possibly to the tragedy of the ancients inside.

School attack in China

Seven young children are hacked to death in a kindergarten in central China. It's the sixth attack in recent weeks, leaving a total of 17 dead children and many injured. Anxious Chinese parents already have a lot to contend with in the most populous nation on earth (1.3 billion) – not least their government's continuing enforcement of the one couple/one child law.

Lone survivor

Over 100 people die, including one Irish passport holder, as a plane crashes while landing at Tripoli airport. Sole survivor Ruben van Ashout has two broken legs, but his injuries are reported as not life-threatening. If you want to live, be a young male or sit at the back, says one air safety expert. "The best equipped people to survive are fit young men who are frequent travellers... they know where the exits are."

Robin Hood at Cannes

The volcanic ash cloud or a typhoon hitting the Cote d'Azur couldn't stop Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett, stars of Robin Hood, from making it to their red carpet appearance in Cannes. Director Ridley Scott has decided we need yet another version of the legend about an outlaw who stole from the rich to give to the poor. We could film a more authentic re-make here, starring the two Brians as Robin and Friar Tuck and their band of merry men. Doing the reverse.