Time to pack snippy economists, assorted analysts and gloomy politicians off to the Donegal Gaeltacht for a week and get them out of our hair. The big debate at the MacGill Summer School in Glenties is our sliced-pan-and-bunk-bed economy. And who better to address a morning topic entitled 'When Did It All Go Wrong?' than Tánaiste Mary Coughlan? She targets "certain professions" for whom "the chill winds of economic reality have yet to reach" in her talk on the 'Smart Economy' (whatever that is).
RTÉ hasn't been too smart with its cupla focal either. The old Radio Telefís Éireann that we all knew and loved is now deemed un-GC (un-grammatically correct). As laptops everywhere now object even more to the new Raidió Teilifís Éireann, Pádraig Mac Fhearghusa, president of Conradh na Gaeilge, says the error has been a "minor irritant" for donkey's years to printers, and indeed parents more anxious to teach their kids how to spell 'television' in Irish rather than the number of hours they are glued to it.
Support groups who say they are inundated with cries for help since the Ryan report came out now ask justice minister Dermot Ahern to delay publication of the report of the Commission of Investigation into child abuse in the Dublin Archdiocese, predicting an "avalanche" of further victims.
The church itself is a victim of the financial crisis, it seems, as Bishop of Killaloe Dr Willie Walsh says his diocese has lost up to €7m since the days when "bank shares were regarded as a safe investment". Just like the church used to be. Property is no longer a safe bet either. Seán Dunne should be heading to the commercial court for his €35m counter-action against CB Richard Ellis, which is suing him for €1.5m in unpaid fees, but stays home with suspected swine flu.
Those planning a visit to Puck Fair are relieved the coronation will go ahead after all – even if it's a King Billy from Antrim. Back in Donegal, George Lee is going wild. He tells the MacGill conference: "I'm fed-up to the back teeth hearing the same thing."
So was Steven 'Sugar Ray' Gerrard, in court for allegedly assaulting a businessman in a Merseyside club over not playing his favourite song. The jury has to decide which is the footballer's worst offence – throwing a punch or liking Phil Collins.
The government should change its tune about a review of Ireland's minimum wage, says David Begg. Any attempt to reduce the current rate of €8.65 an hour would be "toxic", says the Ictu general secretary. As the total solar eclipse plunges Asia into darkness, should we fear new laws will land Ireland back into the Dark Ages? The president summons her Council of State to the park to discuss the Defamation Act and the anti-gang law before signing them into law.
Wheels may be falling off other developers' wagons, but Harry Crosbie plans a Dublin Eye outside his O2 arena, claiming that the Dublin Docklands authority has agreed to the siting of the "observation wheel". But the DDDA makes a different observation – they say they've nothing to do with Harry's game and want their own wheel nearer the Custom House. Will they see eye to eye?
It's the 360 º Tour, but the homecoming Fab Four can't quite square the circle either as the four sides of U2's insect-like stage can only safely claw across a third of the Croker pitch. Shame that Camden's prodigal daughter Amy Winehouse is back to black over an alleged black eye. She's in court accused of giving a shiner to Sherene Flash last September after the dancer requested a photo.
Like a left hook from a professional footballer (although Steven Gerrard is found not guilty), Permanent TSB throws a 0.5% hike at 50,000 borrowers. Siptu leader Jack 'Dempsey' O'Connor says the gloves are now off. He calls for the government's guarantee, funded by the taxpayer, to be withdrawn from any bank which raises rates. We can just about hear Enda Kenny, calling from the hills of Donegal, that membership of the Dáil should be cut by up to 20. Or maybe that was 120. The government mantra of "sharing the pain equally" is beginning to sound grammatically incorrect. Hope it's not going to take them 43 years to rectify the mistake.
"We cannot but regard Mrs Clinton as a funny lady, unaware of the elementary etiquette in the international community. Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping."